Reflections ~ #MindfulMotheringMondays

"Look at the reflection of the trees, mom. When regular trees reflect, they look like weeping willows. But, when weeping willows reflect, they look like regular trees".

My son and I went on a date Saturday afternoon. Older sis was at a birthday party so he and I had some time to ourselves. We checked out an open house at a new kids art "studio" and then headed to a favorite park to do some nature hiking. 

Nature hikes are among our favorite things to do together. He likes them because, at heart, he is an explorer. He has great instincts and an awesome sense of direction. He also notices EVERYTHING and remembers what he sees, so he can be trusted when you say "which way should we go?".

I like them because we have the best talks while surrounded by trees.

Somewhere among the dirt, lakes, snapping turtles and sticks, my boy always reveals another part of himself just brewing under the surface. And those revelations always slightly shift my perspective.

I could get all philosophical and interpret tons of meaning into his reflection statement. But, I won't. Because what he said wasn't what almost made me cry. 

It was the fact that he said it.

If you were to rewind 3 years, you would have found a much different boy. Speech hasn't come easily for him. First, up until he was about 3, he lived with a significant amount of fluid on his ears that went undetected. He never had high temps and grew used to the sound so he thought it was normal. Second, once the ear situation was corrected, we realized how significantly his language had been altered. Third, speech therapy began and the uphill fight for relearning basics commenced. 

If I'm being honest, it was brutal. I know it was awful for him because he KNEW people couldn't understand him well. This affected his self esteem and confidence so significantly that he just wouldn't talk to people. He got to the point that he wouldn't even try. You could see it on his face ~ that "why bother" look. It was awful for me because, well, I'm his mom, I love him, and every parent just wants their kid to know they can do it. And, let's face it, people can be pretty judgmental. It drove me crazy. I felt like people couldn't see my amazing kid because he had a challenge.

But, somewhere along the way, things started turning around. All the hard sessions, the tears, the redirection, the encouragement, the LISTENING; they all wove together to bring us to today.

When my sweet boy went to camp this year, they gave him the character award of  Bold ~ because he "isn't afraid to speak his mind and tell you what he wants" (according to his counselor). 

He still has tough spots with his speech. R's still need work and when he gets really excited he forgets again that he needs to say all the parts of the words with breaths in between the words. But, he speaks. With confidence. To strangers. To friends. To his sister and dad. 

To me.

My mama's heart will never take those words for granted. Every one of them is precious to me. Every time he can tell me what is going on inside of his mind and heart, it changes me. 

I pray he keeps right on telling me.

And, I pray that I listen.

Linking up with Lydia over at Small Town Simplicity for Mindful Mothering Mondays. If you'd like to join in, grab the graphic and link up!

Before... #MindfulMotheringMondays

I am so excited to do my first link up to my friend Lydia's blog! (Look at THAT, I actually made a LINK in my blog ~ lol)

Every Monday, Lydia invites mamas along on this journey for some encouragement, camaraderie, or just a mental sanity break (cause who doesn't need that!!). I've been a stalker on this idea for quite some time but since I put my blog "back in action", I plan to do some link ups with some of my favorite bloggers. Mondays will most often find me linking up with her :)

This time ten years ago, I think I was finally coming to terms with the fact that I was pregnant. Very few people know (because it's just not something to shout from the rooftops) that I was devastated and freaked out when I found out we were pregnant with our first child. I really want that part of my story to be different. But, those who know me best would know I was a liar if I tried to tell you differently and, well, I'm not a liar.

My husband and I had only been married 3 months after a dating long distance (like, 3 states apart) for the majority of our 2 1/2 years together. I had dreams of long hikes in the mountains, meals at the end of a long day, conquering all of the roller blade trails Tennessee had to offer (where we lived at the time), traveling together, leisurely days off, entertaining friends..... I could go on. It wasn't like kids weren't in our plans for our family life. It's just that kids weren't anywhere in the vicinity of being on our radar screen.

At. All.

Period.

But, God had other plans.

Sure, I always wanted kids. I'd been "playing mom" for as long as I could remember ~ first my stuffed animals and dolls, then neighbor kids, then babysitting, followed by any form of volunteering with children you can think of, and capped off with a Bachelor's Degree in Family Relations and Human Development with a specialty in Child and Family Studies. I lived and breathed children. Everyone else's children.

The IDEA of having my own was appealing. The REALITY of it was terrifying.

That is so often how things are. Ideas sounds great. Reality can slap you upside the head, turn your world upside down, spin you around a few times, and leave you wondering what just happened and if anything will be right side up again.

On the other hand, reality can also make your world right where you never knew it was wrong.

I had no idea what I was missing.

Before.

Before feeling my baby girl move inside me.

Before hearing her cry for the first time.

Before seeing my strong husband cry at the sight of her as he named her after his mom.

Before watching her eyes light up when I walked into a room.

Before hearing the word "mom" directed at me.

Before messy, paint covered hands created a masterpiece and then reached for my face.

Before I heard her pray for the first time.

Before I watched her hold her baby brother.

Before she learned to slip her hand into mine (she still does!)

Before she made me laugh.

Before she learned to laugh with me.

Before she became my friend.

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you a future and a hope" Jeremiah 29:11

I am forever grateful that SHE is part of God's plan for me.

If you want to join in on the linkup, just visit Lydia's page, grab the graphic and post a link to your blog in her comments. While you're there, visit her blog. You won't be sorry you did :)