Every Monday, Lydia invites mamas along on this journey for some encouragement, camaraderie, or just a mental sanity break (cause who doesn't need that!!). I've been a stalker on this idea for quite some time but since I put my blog "back in action", I plan to do some link ups with some of my favorite bloggers. Mondays will most often find me linking up with her :)
.jpg)
This time ten years ago, I think I was finally coming to terms with the fact that I was pregnant. Very few people know (because it's just not something to shout from the rooftops) that I was devastated and freaked out when I found out we were pregnant with our first child. I really want that part of my story to be different. But, those who know me best would know I was a liar if I tried to tell you differently and, well, I'm not a liar.
My husband and I had only been married 3 months after a dating long distance (like, 3 states apart) for the majority of our 2 1/2 years together. I had dreams of long hikes in the mountains, meals at the end of a long day, conquering all of the roller blade trails Tennessee had to offer (where we lived at the time), traveling together, leisurely days off, entertaining friends..... I could go on. It wasn't like kids weren't in our plans for our family life. It's just that kids weren't anywhere in the vicinity of being on our radar screen.
At. All.
Period.
But, God had other plans.
Sure, I always wanted kids. I'd been "playing mom" for as long as I could remember ~ first my stuffed animals and dolls, then neighbor kids, then babysitting, followed by any form of volunteering with children you can think of, and capped off with a Bachelor's Degree in Family Relations and Human Development with a specialty in Child and Family Studies. I lived and breathed children. Everyone else's children.
The IDEA of having my own was appealing. The REALITY of it was terrifying.
That is so often how things are. Ideas sounds great. Reality can slap you upside the head, turn your world upside down, spin you around a few times, and leave you wondering what just happened and if anything will be right side up again.
On the other hand, reality can also make your world right where you never knew it was wrong.
I had no idea what I was missing.
Before.
Before feeling my baby girl move inside me.
Before hearing her cry for the first time.
Before seeing my strong husband cry at the sight of her as he named her after his mom.
Before watching her eyes light up when I walked into a room.
Before hearing the word "mom" directed at me.
Before messy, paint covered hands created a masterpiece and then reached for my face.
Before I heard her pray for the first time.
Before I watched her hold her baby brother.
Before she learned to slip her hand into mine (she still does!)
Before she made me laugh.
Before she learned to laugh with me.
Before she became my friend.
"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you a future and a hope" Jeremiah 29:11
I am forever grateful that SHE is part of God's plan for me.
If you want to join in on the linkup, just visit Lydia's page, grab the graphic and post a link to your blog in her comments. While you're there, visit her blog. You won't be sorry you did :)
Thank you for being honest. Parenthood is often overwhelming--not because of the day to day stuff, but because you're involved in forming the life of a HUMAN! You want your children to be good people, successful, contributors to society. No pressure there...
ReplyDeleteYeah, no pressure at all :)
ReplyDelete