It's been quiet here on the blog, hasn't it? {Cue crickets}
I attempted to take a much needed break the entire second half of August while we vacationed in the woods. It was wonderful but I decided to never again schedule a lengthy vacation IMMEDIATELY prior to the start of school. I returned to craziness ~ organizing, implementing, communicating, processing... One of my friends remarked it was akin to whiplash ~ Ummm, YES!!! That's EXACTLY how I feel!
But, as it always happens, life, school, and responsiblities find their natural rhythm again and our families are faced with choices of how to spend our time. There are so many things vying for our attention. You don't need to read my blog to know this. We are innundated with this concept. In fact, I'm reticent to even post this blog for fear of adding to the white noise out there. So. Much. Noise.
But, I have noticed something of late and I wonder if you have too?
The current buzz-phrase in my information circle seems to be this ~ Intentional Living.
I have read books, listened to speakers and perused blog posts all proclaiming this message. It's the idea that we must be intentional in our living and in our choices. If not, we might miss something. I understand the heart of those I'm hearing... we can become distracted to the point we don't spend "real" time with our family or friends. We become so dependent on social media that we no longer pick up the phone to call a friend. We rush through our days and in the effort to do the "next good thing", we miss a hug from our children, or the smile on our friend's face, or the hurting neighbor who just needs some encouragement. There are also those posts calling us to remember how short life is ~ how we need to eek out every moment, tackle our bucket lists, and grab. every. chance before it is gone.
For a while, this was a valuable concept for me ~ this call to be intentional. But, somewhere along the way, I have started to feel this insidious, subtle pressure and guilt. It's as if I am not 100% engaged in every moment then somehow I'm going to miss something. And somehow that missing something becomes synonymous with failure. If I choose to send my daughter to bed with a sad face when I don't linger over the 37th request for a hug and water then maybe tomorrow I will regret it because she may never ask for it again. If I don't find all the joy possible in today then I may regret it because I may not get tomorrow. If I choose to engage in "screen time" at a park then I might miss the 87- hundredth time my son climbs the wall and he will have to tell his therapist some day.
But, here's the thing ~ there is not a one of us who can sustain this kind of hyper-awareness. We are not perfect. We are going to miss things. We are going to have regrets. We are going to have failures. We might miss something of value. We know our children are growing / parents are aging / friends are moving / transitions are coming / death is certain someday.
We might just need to cut ourselves a freaking break.
I sincerely hope you don't hear judgement in this. Many of the leaders, authors, and bloggers who speak these truths are simply sharing what is on their hearts ~ often from a place of regret and honest change. Some of them I know personally and I know, that I know, that I KNOW! their heart isn't to communicate pressure.
But, in the off chance I'm not alone in these feelings, I wanted to speak up. I think there is room for a balanced view of these issues. There is a time and place for everything.
There is a time for one more hug, and a time to go to bed already.
There is a time for laser focus on a goal, and a time to keep the plan loose.
There is a time for to do lists, and a time those same lists start to own you.
There is a time for your children/spouse/employees/boss/parents to know your universe doesn't revolve around them because you are a wife/father/worker/friend/human being.
There is a time to hold on to this moment, and a time let it go because you can't hold it all.
There is a time for us to recognize it is impossible to be intentional about E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G. in life. Living life is messy. Sometimes, it's a rainbow colored, kaleidoscope of beautiful messiness, and sometimes the mixed up colors look more like barf. It's called being human. There is a line with intentional living that is easy to cross. It can delude you into the feeling you have control over this messiness. That you can somehow manage time and from there live with no regrets and control the flow of your life.
But, lately I've been reminded of this:
Trust God from the bottom of your heart;
don’t try to figure out everything on your own.
Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go;
he’s the one who will keep you on track.
Don’t assume that you know it all.
Proverbs 3:5-6
There is one relationship in which I want to be MOST intentional ~ my relationship with God. I believe He is the one who knows the length of our days, what's around the corner, and what is best for each of us. In seeking Him, I find peace. Some days that looks like making a meal plan and some days it looks like playing Scrabble. Sometimes I am led to call a friend and sometimes I write a quick email because calling them in the middle of the night is rude :). But, in this seeking, I also find grace. Because you know what? I mess up. I miss things. I yell. I cry. I realize I wasted time. But, His grace is sufficient because it's made perfect in my weakness, in my messiness, in my humanity.
His grace is sufficient for you too.
If I help you remember this, will you return the favor? Sometimes I forget but I'd love if we could help each other be a little more gracious and supportive of each other and learn to be more kind to ourselves in the process :)
Intentional living has its place. Just remember to leave room for grace.
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